


in the same time, in different places

by naraga



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (it's not very explicit but it's there...in between the lines and bedsheets...), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Non-Famous!Jaehyun, Solo Artist!Doyoung, featuring one brief mention of Moon Taeil, help me i'm terrible at this tagging thing, some sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-13 04:17:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naraga/pseuds/naraga
Summary: when jaehyun asks if yesterday is going to fade into scattered memories, doyoung smooths out the corner of jaehyun's dimpled frown with his thumb. "don't be like that," he says. "you'll ruin something before it even begins."or: you are brighter than all the stars. i really mean that.





	in the same time, in different places

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of a fic I uploaded here back in October 2017 because apparently this AU won't ever leave me. So now I'm here. [Here](https://open.spotify.com/user/kz35fr3hbf5r4yxf7mye48iom/playlist/7iqZCneKEgL01rk4RWqPFE) is the soundtrack btw. Enjoy!

it's 3 pm in new york, and times square is a cliche in and of itself, but for a moment, this very moment, jaehyun believes in its magic. here in this cesspool of bright lights and sweaty bodies, he can hear life’s heart beating, crying out to the world. i am here, i am here...

here in the middle of all of this, they are brought into each other's lives, and they couldn't be any more different from each other. doyoung—born in california but raised in seoul—is in between tour stops, catching a quick break before heading southbound. jaehyun, who has lived in the same house in connecticut for his whole life, is in between semesters, visiting the city with his friends before they all return to the hell that is college. here in this city teeming with thousands and millions of people, they should have never met, but fate is a funny thing.

in this moment, as they make their way through this hell of a cliche, as the crowd comes crashing in from every possible direction, doyoung takes jaehyun's hand. “so i don't lose you,” he says over the roar of the crowd.

like i would ever let that happen, jaehyun thinks to nobody but himself.

 

**

 

only a day has passed, yet, at the same time, it feels like the two have spent more than a day together.

when they kiss for the first time, late into the evening, in this dim hotel room high above the city that never sleeps, it feels like a dream.

jaehyun tells doyoung this, and the smile that crosses doyoung's face makes jaehyun believe that he doesn't want to wake up any time soon.

 

**

 

the curtains are still drawn the next morning, and doyoung is already halfway out the door when jaehyun asks him to stay a little longer.

"can't," doyoung says, reaching over the threshold to place a hand over jaehyun's cheek. "my manager expects me to be in atlanta by tonight."

when jaehyun asks if yesterday is going to fade into scattered memories, doyoung smooths out the corner of jaehyun's dimpled frown with his thumb. "don't be like that," he says. "you'll ruin something before it even begins."

as jaehyun leans into the palm of doyoung's hand, he asks if doyoung really believes in that.

"i'll text you," doyoung says before he kisses jaehyun for the last time today. "i promise."

 

**

 

not long after doyoung leaves, jaehyun checks his phone, and he finds an obscene amount of texts and missed phone calls from his friends, wondering where he had gone and if he had died, that he had ignored since yesterday.

but nothing from doyoung.

it sounds silly to think this—childish, even—but jaehyun thinks that time really has never felt this slow before.

 

**

 

when jaehyun shows up at the front door of the airbnb, his friends all give him an earful that he (to be fair) deserves to hear.

ten says that he thought jaehyun's uber driver had murdered him in some dirty parking garage in manhattan and everyone would have to find out through the evening news or something like that.

johnny says that he thought jaehyun's mom would have surely killed him if that had actually happened and if she didn't then his own mom would surely do the honors.

sicheng just says that he's glad jaehyun is here so that all four of them could enjoy their trip.

jaehyun isn't so sure if he can enjoy the city.

 

**

 

besides that one hectic morning, the rest of the boys' time in the city goes decently well. at least, according to everyone who isn't jaehyun.

when everyone finally decides to call it a night, just as jaehyun accepts that what he sees is the only truth, doyoung texts him.

"missed me?" he writes.

there is a picture to the message, and it is of the view outside the bus window; if jaehyun looked closely, he could see doyoung in its reflection, his eyes as bright as ever. maybe even brighter than jaehyun can remember. it's almost, he thinks, like starlight.

  

 

**

 

  

the dream of new york may have ended the moment jaehyun boarded the train to boston (to college, to his reality) but there's more dreams to dream. he's sure of it.

 

**

 

it's 10 am in boston, and (despite the start of the new semester and the growing miles between the two of them) those dreams, those feelings, those memories from new york, have begun to blossom.

doyoung is in a different city every day or so, and he always sends jaehyun photos of every new place. sometimes it's a photo of him standing in front of a monument of some sort that jaehyun usually recognizes, most likely taken by a tired yet amused manager, but other times doyoung sends a photo that he took himself, capturing the moment as he sees it. jaehyun saves every single one of these pictures in an album on his phone for easy access whenever the pit in his stomach got too heavy to handle.

today, while jaehyun is getting brunch with his friends, doyoung sends him a new photo. he's in san antonio right now, and he took this picture while standing on a bridge overlooking the river. a ferry of tourists is centered in the photo, and a lone bicyclist cuts across the foreground.

"thinking of you a little more than usual," doyoung writes.

from across the table, sicheng asks him what is making him smile like that, and jaehyun tells him that it's from someone special. when ten begins to tease him, jaehyun tells him that he just doesn't understand.

 

**

 

once, while they're doing homework in the library, when johnny pulls his earbuds out to listen to what ten has to say, jaehyun hears a familiar voice singing over a familiar sad melody. it's muffled, but he picks up a phrase about heartbreak he has heard of before. when he asks, johnny tells him he's listening to this artist that spotify recently recommended to him. kim doyoung. according to johnny, he's pretty good.

jaehyun can feel the pride bubbling up, but he hides it until johnny turns back to ten and he can pull out his phone to text doyoung about it.

 

**

 

doyoung calls from vancouver, and, as doyoung tells jaehyun about the city, the people, and everything else that makes this city what it is, as jaehyun sits in the living room of his apartment because sicheng is sleeping in the other room, jaehyun can't help but think about how lucky he is to find himself here.

"...but god, i wish you could be here."

 

**

 

jaehyun notices the valentine's day table outside the university cafe when he is heading in to grab lunch. there's a smattering of paper and pencils and envelopes there, along with a sign asking anybody who lays eyes on it if they got somebody special, and a lone shoebox-turned-makeshift-mailbox for people to drop their cards into.

sicheng is next to him, and he mentions that jaehyun's birthday is coming up as well, but jaehyun doesn't really need that reminder. instead, he remembers that this year is different, that something other than a year has been added in his life.

as he follows sicheng to the line for the sandwich station, jaehyun starts to wonder if doyoung remembers as well.

 

**

 

here, lying in the dark all by himself, jaehyun is reminded of the spaces between his fingers, and the feeling in his chest seems to grow heavier.

 

**

 

midway into the fourteenth of february, jaehyun's friends come barging into his room with a cake that inevitably gets slammed into his face, and objectively it is a happy memory to look back on.

later, when the laughter has died down and jaehyun's friends have left him alone again, doyoung calls with a surprise of his room.

"a week," he says. "just the two of us. it won't be until march, when you're on spring break, but what do you say?"

when sicheng walks into the room seconds after jaehyun hangs up, he assumes that the smile is because of the memory they have made together, but jaehyun knows better.

 

**

 

midterms are as brutal as they always are, but another day is another day closer to spring break, and jaehyun finds himself checking his phone more often, swiping through the not-so-little album of memories doyoung shared with him.

(once, johnny looks over his shoulder during one of these moments, and, without thinking, jaehyun hits the home button to exit the app. when johnny asks why he was embarrassed about a tree, jaehyun feels his ears go red hot. thankfully, johnny doesn't ask any questions. just an odd glance before he turns back to his laptop, and jaehyun can exhale a breath he didn't realize he was holding.)

on the thursday before spring break, after he leaves his last midterm, jaehyun looks at his phone yet again to find a text from doyoung.

"can't wait," he writes.

just one more day. one day more, and soon jaehyun will be dreaming again.

 

 

**

 

 

it's 10 am in oslo, and the airport is a mess of noise as loved ones reunite and tourists hurry to their next destination. if jaehyun closes his eyes, he can picture its heart crying out just like the one in new york. alive, alive…

"isn't it a bit dangerous, standing around like that?"

jaehyun opens his eyes, and there is doyoung. no screen, no barrier, no anything between the two of them. jaehyun feels that feeling inside his chest loosen, and he finds himself collapsing into doyoung's arms. here in the middle of this bustling airport, jaehyun feels doyoung press a kiss into his cheek, and he decides he never wants to let go.

 

**

 

the plan was to leave the airport and drop their bags off at the hotel so they can spend the rest of this spring day in the city, but three hours later and they still haven't left the hotel room, too tangled up in sheets and each other to even think about leaving.

from underneath the covers, his hand over jaehyun's heart, doyoung asks, "did you really miss me that much?" when jaehyun tells him that no text or phone call will ever beat being by his side, feeling his touch against his skin, doyoung laughs and kisses jaehyun again.

 

**

 

as the train leaves the station for bergen, doyoung takes jaehyun's hand. when jaehyun asks why, doyoung says, "i keep forgetting that this is real, that you are right here right now, right across from me. even after these past few days, it still feels unreal. i mean… it's truly strange, how we somehow managed to find each other in a city neither of us call home, yet here we are, aboard some train in a country even farther from home. together. it's too crazy to be real. i must be dreaming… you know what i mean, right?"

there's a part of jaehyun that wishes to tell him that this is real, that this is no dream, but all he does is raise doyoung's hand to his lips and brush a gentle kiss against his fingers. when doyoung rests his head on jaehyun's shoulder and never moves it more than an inch until the train arrives in bergen, jaehyun supposes that this might be enough for now.

 

**

 

it's 8 pm in bergen, and though the train ride was long, doyoung still has enough energy to drag jaehyun right off the train and straight into the heart of bergen.

"come on!" he says, as if the seven hour ride had indeed faded into distant memory.

and despite his own exhaustion, jaehyun lets himself be pulled into this moment, this infectious happy feeling. after all, he is here, and he won't let it go.

 

**

 

their tiny apartment by the shore is cold to the bone, and it's even colder when they're both topless and lying in bed with nothing to cover them; still (or maybe for that reason alone), they find themselves tangled up in each other, hands and lips hungry for touch…

jaehyun's hand settles against doyoung's waist, and it feels warm and familiar like coming home after a long day out. there are a million thoughts racing inside his head right now, but as he drags kisses down doyoung's stomach, he begins to think about how damn lucky he is to be here. when his hand trails down to the top of doyoung's waistband and his lips press against doyoung's hip, jaehyun hears doyoung's breath hitch. he looks up.

"don't stop now," doyoung says. his voice sounds so breathless that it makes jaehyun weak to his core. then doyoung looks down at him, and jaehyun can see stars flickering in his eyes. but behind those stars, though, there also lies something more intense that (with his messy hair and swollen lips that came from jaehyun's doing) completely and totally wrecks him.

but he doesn't stop.

 

**

 

when he wakes up next to a still slumbering doyoung, jaehyun realizes that the feeling in his heart can be summed up in a single word.

 

**

 

they spend most days in bergen inside, lounging around and enjoying each other's presence, but on the rare occasion they choose to spend a day outdoors, strolling along the waterfront with their fingers intertwined and savoring the last few days before their time together ends.

on one such day, doyoung says to jaehyun, "so i leave for australia in a couple of weeks."

and, with a gentle smile, jaehyun reminds doyoung that he still has half of a semester to finish before he can go anywhere else.

"i know that, dummy. but listen. after australia, i get a month or two off and then, come june, i'll be touring asia. like, seoul, jakarta, tokyo, taipei… it's just a thought, but i was thinking that you could come along. i mean, touring can get pretty lonely, and this trip made me realize just how much i wanted to be with you for more than a single week. like, i want to see the goddamn world with you. i don't know, what do you think?"

there's something bubbling happily in jaehyun's chest as he kisses doyoung again, and when he pulls away, as the corners of doyoung's mouth turn up into a smile that jaehyun can't help but match, the world looks and feels lighter.

almost, jaehyun thinks, like he's dreaming.

 

 

**

 

 

it's 7 am in boston, and as the plane touches the ground, jaehyun is still dreaming.

 

 

**

 

when he shows up in class the next monday, ten notes that jaehyun has changed somehow; johnny jokes that maybe he had met somebody over spring break, and jaehyun just smiles even wider. when ten starts to ask more questions, jaehyun just laughs.

 

 

**

 

 

though the days begin to grow longer, the weeks between now and the end of the semester seem to fly by just like that, and the promise of summer seemed more and more real to jaehyun. soon, there was only three weeks left.

then two.

then one.

then jaehyun finds himself waiting at the gate, ready to board the plane to taipei. just as he settles into his seat, he takes a photo of the view outside his window and sends it to doyoung. it isn't long before doyoung texts back, "see you soon.'

soon, for jaehyun, isn't soon enough.

 

**

 

it's 9 pm in tokyo, and the entire world has become the stage to the story of them. they're in a different city every few days or so, a different country every week or so, and, yes, doyoung is working most of the time, singing on different stages in different venues on different nights, but in the hours between then and there it's just them. in those hours they cry out to the world. they are here, they are here…

here in the middle of shibuya crossing, his arm around doyoung's shoulders as the crowd swarms around them, jaehyun tells him that this is a lot like when they first met, when they first kissed.

"then are you still dreaming?"

as a response, jaehyun kisses doyoung on the cheek, and doyoung smiles so wide that jaehyun believes he won't ever wake up again.

 

**

 

it's 7 am in beijing, and the two of them get abruptly woken up by the sound of doyoung's phone ringing.

doyoung curses under his breath, but he still moves to pick it up, rustling the sheets between him and jaehyun as he does so. "hello?"

jaehyun is barely awake and clinging to whatever bit of doyoung he can get, but suddenly he becomes wide awake when he sees doyoung's eyes widen in shock.

"w-what?" doyoung says. "it went what? gold? my song…? are you sure? are you really sure? oh my god…!"

when the conversation ends and doyoung puts his phone down, jaehyun gazes up at him, and he finds those bright starlike eyes again; when doyoung smiles, jaehyun cannot help but replicate it.

(still, for a moment, he wonders how much longer he can keep those eyes all to himself, but he quickly pushes that thought away for doyoung's sake.)

 

**

 

it's 12 pm in seoul, and, in between the madness of touring and sleeping in a different bed seemingly every night, doyoung brings jaehyun home.

("are you nervous?" doyoung teases when they're standing outside the front door, just before doyoung's mom comes to invite them in; though his heart is hammering in his chest, jaehyun shakes his head.)

his parents, thankfully, take to jaehyun almost immediately, though it might not be a surprise. after all, they are related to doyoung.

amidst the commotion of dinner, doyoung's dad leans in towards jaehyun, his cheeks flushed from a mix of alcohol and joy, to tell him how lucky doyoung is to have someone like him.

"you know," he says, "with everything that is happening to doyoung, this attention that's turned towards him, it's a good thing that he has someone who can ground him. someone who can remind him what it means to live a normal life. i'm glad we have someone like you around."

there's a knot forming in jaehyun's stomach; he does his best to ignore it, but it's there, curling and twisting on into the night.

 

**

 

it's 3 pm in bangkok, and as kim doyoung's song climbs higher up the charts, the singer starts to spend more time in hotel rooms that have been turned into studios.

in every city, in every hotel room they find themselves in, the set-up is always the same. there's always a mic in the corner of the room with two mattresses propped up on either side, with enough space for doyoung to stand between it. there's always a laptop on the table by the window, and there's always a producer (a quiet young man who introduces himself as moon taeil) sitting there amongst the wires, nodding his head as doyoung sings songs that the world has yet to hear.

often times, jaehyun is sitting on the bed across from all of this, and often times he finds himself wondering how he found himself here, in this place so intimate and removed from what he used to know as real. it's a dream, really.

but is it his dream to keep?

 

**

 

it's 8 pm in hong kong, and the roar of the sea of people standing below jaehyun crashes against his eardrums.

he feels so small, standing on the balcony of this giant theatre, lit only by the glow of phone screens scattered hundreds of feet below. he keeps telling himself that he should be used to this by now, this feeling that he gets whenever he finds himself here, but as he's telling himself for the fourth, fifth, seventh time, the stage that's a few yards below and many more away is lit up by a singular spotlight, and the cheers of the crowd mix with the swell of music as doyoung walks into the light.

(not so long ago, in a different city at a different time, as they sat in the hotel room together after a long recording session and taeil has left them alone, jaehyun asked doyoung what he saw when he stood on stage, and doyoung shrugged.

"not much," he said. "it's so bright up there, i can barely see beyond the stage.")

the song doyoung is singing is one that everyone knows—the very same song that gave him his first gold—and the whole room resounds with hundreds of voices singing about heartbreak and promises of never going back. jaehyun is singing along as well, but he can barely hear himself over everything else.

(that same day, jaehyun also asked doyoung if he ever felt that way before, that heartbreak that he sings about so often that the world associates it with him now, and doyoung shook his head.

"to be honest," he said, "i think i'm starting to grow numb to it. i mean, i can't help it if everyone else like it, but it would be nice to sing something more personal."

when jaehyun asks if he would ever write that song, doyoung shrugs again. "i've tried writing songs in the past, but i end up scrapping most of them because they're missing something. that x factor. someday, though. someday i will."

i hope you write about us, jaehyun thought. that selfish future, though, scared him, so he didn't say it out loud.)

as the song reaches its climax, as doyoung shines brighter than all the lights in this entire room (maybe even all the stars in the universe), jaehyun realizes how small he actually is. when the song ends, when the crowd roars its approval back to a glistening doyoung, jaehyun prays that his own voice could be heard above the noise.

(deep down, he knows he never will.)

 

**

 

it's 1 am in macau, and as they lay in bed, still exhausted from the final encore not too long ago, as doyoung buries his head into the crook of jaehyun's neck, jaehyun thinks about how bright that stage looked from where he stood so far in the shadows.

 

 

**

 

 

the rest of summer comes and goes, and soon jaehyun finds himself back at college.

as they move into their new apartment, sicheng asks what he did over the summer. jaehyun feels his ears go hot, and there's a horrible knot in his stomach as he stutters out what he hopes is a reasonable lie. sicheng frowns a little at his friend, but, thankfully, he doesn't ask any more questions.

 

 

**

  

 

the low rumble of his phone wakes jaehyun from his short slumber. he fishes for his earbuds, buried somewhere between the cushions of the couch, and flips to his back to answer the facetime call. his voice is still half asleep when he mumbles a good morning.

doyoung's laugh filters into his ears. "afternoon. i didn't wake you up?"

jaehyun shakes his head, then asks about how seoul is treating him.

"good." and there he goes, rattling off his day, how it's good to be back at his parent's house after the long summer, how his manager still calls him to remind him that once his vacation ends he is expected to be back at the studio bright and early, how after he finally took that call he took a cab down to the han river to wander and let his brain wonder about the jumble of rough cuts that his team had let him listen to...

the spark in his eye, jaehyun thinks for the hundredth or so time, is something. something beautiful, attractive, mesmerizing… as he listens to doyoung, he can't help but let himself wonder, once again, how he managed to find himself here, lying on the couch as sicheng snored in the bedroom next door, talking to such a person? was it just luck? how did someone like him become intertwined with someone who was brighter than all the stars?

"but what about you?" doyoung is saying. "how are you?"

jaehyun tells him everything's okay. just okay.

 

**

 

college, jaehyun realizes, is a world of grays and brown. dull and nothing more than that.

but this is where he finds himself, and this is, at the end of the day, where he belongs. is it not?

 

 

**

 

 

on the friday before jaehyun goes home for fall break, doyoung flies in from seoul.

("when can i come over to your place?" he asked during one particular evening conversation when he's in los angeles to record for his new album and jaehyun is eating his dinner in his room. "you've met mine, so it's about time i meet yours.")

it's 3 pm in boston, and jaehyun finds himself in logan, his own suitcase by his side as he watches the people who had just arrived stream through the automatic doors. in this stream, doyoung appears, and he's beaming as he wraps his arms around jaehyun.

"what's with that look?" doyoung asks when he breaks their quick embrace. "you look like you've seen a ghost."

jaehyun didn't realize he was making that face in the first place.

 

**

 

it's 6 pm in new haven, and to the surprise of no one doyoung has charmed his way into jaehyun’s parents' hearts. it isn't just his growing success, so early into his tender twenties, that wins them over. it’s everything about doyoung because of course it is.

jaehyun's mom is especially taken, and she tells her son, right in front of everyone, to count himself lucky that he has found someone like doyoung.

after dinner, when his parents disappear into the kitchen to clean up, when they're sitting in the living room with an old photo album between them, jaehyun asks doyoung what he thinks about his corner of the world.

"it's nice," he says. "simple. very you."

jaehyun tries to tell him that he didn't mean it that way, but the pain has already lodged itself deep within his chest.

 

**

 

 

nowadays, just before he goes to bed every night, jaehyun finds himself watching old concert videos he found on youtube. kim doyoung live in manila. kim doyoung in singapore. kim doyoung. kim doyoung…

in every place, in every moment, doyoung is radiant. he is brighter than all the stars in the universe, standing on that stage and singing songs that the whole entire world seems to know by now, but that's already a given.

as he watches these videos, jaehyun cannot help but remembers where he was in every single memory—standing far away from the stage, in the shadows of the balconies.

 

**

 

it's 7 am in boston, and jaehyun wakes up to a text from doyoung.

"my publicist found this," doyoung says. "thought you might need to see it."

there is a link right below this message, and jaehyun clicks on it. the link leads him to a popular celebrity gossip blog, and in all caps and bolded, the title of this particular article stands out immediately.

KIM DOYOUNG SPOTTED GLOBETROTTING WITH THE SAME MYSTERY MAN, it says. WHO IS HE?

the article itself is a bit lacking in text, but there is a collection of grainy photos from different sources around the web that are unmistakably doyoung and jaehyun in cities like seoul, jakarta, hong kong, beijing… even (jaehyun feels his heart stop for a second when he realizes this) norway… some are more innocent than others, but there is one photo in particular that causes a seed of worry to be planted in jaehyun. it's from osaka, and though it is out of focus, one can see doyoung's wide frame leaning in towards jaehyun's own silhouette, the former's hand brushing the latter's back. it should be innocent enough, but the shadows the city lights cast on the pair suggest something else.

towards the end, there's an entire section dedicated just to reactions from twitter.

WHO IS HE, one person says.

A BOYFRIEND, another person guesses.

JUST A CLOSE FRIEND, says a third.

EITHER WAY, they all agree, HE'S PRETTY HANDSOME.

from underneath the covers, here in his little dorm room, jaehyun cannot help but wonder if that is all he is, if that is the only thing that matters to the world.

 

**

 

over brunch, johnny mentions that jaehyun looks like he's been through some kind of war or something, and jaehyun doesn't have a good enough lie to deflect the question, so he just shrugs and ignores him.

 

**

 

despite everyone, including jaehyun, warning him not to, doyoung comes over for thanksgiving.

after he charms jaehyun's parents once again, the two of them—doyoung and jaehyun—retreat to jaehyun's bedroom. when doyoung takes jaehyun's hand and brushes his lips against it, and he says, "i want this. i really want this."

jaehyun, meanwhile, thinks about how unreal everything feels. when he lets doyoung kiss him—urgently, like this moment is all that they have left—he can't help but feel the weight of the whole world press down on him.

 

**

 

the next morning, when he wakes up next to a still slumbering doyoung once more, jaehyun isn't so sure if he's supposed to be here.

 

**

 

not long after doyoung leaves for seoul, just a few days after jaehyun heads back to school, the grammy nominations are announced, and doyoung texts jaehyun in the middle of class.

"two nominations!!" he writes. "can you believe it?"

jaehyun can. after all, this is doyoung we're talking about.

(sitting here in this dull classroom, he does his best to ignore the pain in his chest, but it's too persistent.)

 

 

**

 

how much longer, jaehyun wonders, does he have to pretend?

 

 

**

 

how much longer, he wonders, until he has to wake up?

 

 

**

 

it shouldn't be like this. it shouldn't, it shouldn't...

he shouldn't have answered, in the middle of their otherwise normal midnight phone conversation, when doyoung said, "you've been acting weird lately. what's going on?" he shouldn't have mentioned the tweets he's spent countless hours reading. he shouldn't have gotten mad when doyoung said, "calm down. you're making a big deal out of nothing." he shouldn't have let himself, in the heat of the moment, say what's been boiling in the back of his mind for a long time now. he shouldn't have raised his voice just then. he shouldn't have hung up before doyoung can get a word in. he shouldn't have done any of that.

but he did, and he can't do anything about it now.

 

**

 

it's 11 am in boston, and when jaehyun walks into class, ten asks him who the hell died.

jaehyun just tells him to shut up.

 

**

 

 

when does this nightmare end?

 

**

  

 

is it too late?

 

**

 

winter arrives almost too suddenly, and with the cold white snow comes a different change.

it's not as sudden as the first morning after a blizzard, but one day jaehyun opens his eyes and realizes how different the world looks.

 

 

**

 

it's 9 am in boston, and doyoung tries to call jaehyun, but jaehyun lets him go to voicemail.

"hey. sorry if this is sudden, but i was thinking… do you want to go somewhere? it'll be just a couple of days, just the two of us, for old time's sake. maybe in a couple of weeks, after you're done with school? what do you say?"

 

 

**

 

 

it's 12 pm in paris, and for a while, if jaehyun closes his eyes, he can pretend to believe in this city and its magic.

even under this cold gray sky, there is a whisper of life that reminds jaehyun of a different time in a different city, where doyoung held his hand just like this and this feeling—this love—was still brand new. for a while, jaehyun can dream that he is still there. for a while, he can believe in everything doyoung tells him, that everything will be fine, everything will be okay...

but then he opens his eyes again, and the daydream is gone.

 

**

 

hours before jaehyun has to leave for the airport, as they are sitting outside of notre dame, watching the world pass them by, it finally happens.

"i think we should break up."

doyoung looks at jaehyun with those starlike eyes of his, and they're shining in a way that is different from what jaehyun is used to. "after all of this?"

after all of this.

"why?"

because of the rumors. because he can't be around doyoung without feeling like someone was watching his every move. because he's already stressed enough with trying to fucking graduate from college and this doesn't help. because his friends are worried for him but he can't tell them why. because he hates living two lives. because he should be focusing on school more instead of traveling. because he doesn't deserve to see the world with doyoung. because doyoung is brighter than all the stars and shouldn't be with someone like him. because he's just jaehyun and nothing more.

"because," jaehyun hears himself say, "i need to let go."

 

 

**

 

 

it's 4 pm in boston, and as he gets off that plane from paris, jaehyun tells himself that the growing distance between the two of them will eventually heal the pain in his chest.

   
 

 

 

**

  

 

 

 

it's been hours, months, and years since then, and the miles have only grown, yet the frayed string around their fingers never really comes apart.

doyoung's new album has been out for a couple weeks now, and it's nothing like he has ever done before. someone somewhere says that listening to it is a lot like reading a story, where every song is a new chapter to this tale of a love found and lost by a twist of fate. it's like, they say, doyoung has ripped his own heart out and gave it to the world just as it is. everyone cannot stop talking about it and how beautiful it is. when asked in an interview about what was the inspiration behind the album, doyoung just smiles.

"i think we all meet people who change how we see the world. they can stay in our lives forever or for a very short time, but no matter how long they stay, every moment spent with them is like this constant rush of emotions, where you feel something new every second that you don't even know what it is until it's gone. it's something beautiful, really. you know what i mean, right?"

i do, jaehyun thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> me: let's write a cute dojae fic  
> also me: let's make it sad  
> me: oh no  
> also me: oh yes  
> 


End file.
